Are you feeling frustrated in your marriage? Are you feeling like there is a wall between you and your husband? Do you feel like he’s disconnected or distant? I’ve been there! I know what that feels like too.
I know what it feels like to be hurt, frustrated and fed up with my christian marriage. I know what it’s like to scoot as far over to my side of the bed so I don’t touch my husband. I’ve been mad at my husband for days on end and felt like my marriage may never change. Even though we were both christians, we were not thriving in our marriage.
But I also know what it feels like to work past those times and have a very fulfilling, purpose-filled and absolutely wonderful marriage. I’m not saying our marriage is perfect, but we now have tools that we didn’t have when we were first married.
Shouldn’t Christ followers have the very BEST marriages? We should be living the abundant life that Christ paid for on the cross- so our marriages should be thriving, fun and abundant!
I’m so glad you jumped in, to jumpstart your marriage today!
Why is for women only?
I created this guide to help you, as a wife, to jumpstart your journey of becoming all that you were meant to be. Marriage isn’t 50/50. Marriage is 100% given by both people. We were made to help one another. One of the biggest lessons we can learn in life is that we are only in control of ourselves. Let me repeat that.
THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CONTROL IS YOURSELF!
If there is one thing thing to get through your wonderful head right now is this:
We can’t control what our husband does or what he doesn’t do.
But we can control the way we speak to our husbands, how we interact with our husbands and how we respond to them. Wives can control how much sex our husband has or doesn’t have. Some where we decided that it was ok to with hold sex on purpose, as punishment or because we are tired…but that isn’t helpful for our marriages!
WHY WOULD I WRITE THIS?
I’m very passionate about wanting people to live their most abundant life possible. When I see people who aren’t living in victory- step into freedom, victory and are living their best life, I get really excited.
It is the same way for marriages. When I see people succeeding in marriage, it makes my heart come alive.
People have bummer moments in their marriage for tons of reasons. Sometimes its just because they don’t have the tools to live their most abundant life. Sometimes they didn’t have the best examples of good marriages, or no examples of how to live a Kingdom Life, lead by Kingdom Principles. Bear with me and I think you, too, will end up with some simple (but sometimes difficult) habits to start to create a whole new marriage.
DO I HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE?
uh, no. I don’t think that I have a perfect marriage by any means. I don’t know if any marriage is perfect. I do think that I have been a student of marriage and how God says marriage can be done to its most abundant potential, but I’m still learning all the time. I do think my husband and I have worked out a lot of the kinks of marriage (and being a human) over the last 16 years. We aren’t perfect at communication or anything, but wow- we sure have learned a lot about each other and how to support and help each other!
I feel like my marriage is beyond repair.
You might feel this way, but I believe it is absolutely possible for you to have a thriving, exciting, fulfilling and purpose filled marriage that surpasses your current view on marriage. With a few tweaks, some changes in habits and learning how to see your husband and marriage in a new way, I believe that anything is possible. If you are willing to go on this “love journey” with me, I think you will see what I mean!
Are you ready to jumpstart your marriage? Are you willing to invest in your marriage? Are you willing to try something new?
Here it is:
Open door sex policy for the next 33 days
WHAT IS AN OPEN DOOR SEX POLICY?
An Open Door Sex Policy means that you are going to tell your husband that for the next 33 days you are going to have sex with him whenever he wants. In the morning? YES. In the middle of the night? YES. In the afternoon? YES.
Did you just have a heart attack? WHAT????
Yes, I’m telling you, its time to do something different in your marriage, so you can have a different result in marriage. It’s time to tell your husband that he can have sex whenever he wants for the next 33 days.
If this is new to you, then you are in the right place.
If this freaks you out, you are in the right place.
If you are desperate to NOT do this, then you are in the right place
My question to you is, if what you are doing in your marriage is not working, why not to try something new?
Now is the time to try something new.
Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay with me!
You might be thinking:
- My Husband will want to have sex every second
- My husband doesn’t even WANT to have sex with me
- My husband is cold towards me.
- I don’t WANT to have sex with my husband
- I’m too tired.
- My husband is too busy
Let me help you with why this is the best way to jumpstart your marriage!
Somewhere in the last 60 years, women have been told that we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. We’ve been told that we can treat people however we want and we can talk to people however we want. Including our husbands. We somehow feel that we have the “right” to be cranky, have pms or withhold sex from our husbands because we are upset. Somehow, we’ve been told that submission is a bad word and we don’t have to submit to anyone! EVER!
Well, the bible says something different.
The bible has this to say about sex:
Paul was answering some questions posed to him by the early church in the city of Corinth:
Instruction on Marriage
7 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.[a] 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Sounds like to me that we, as wives, are supposed to give over ALL AUTHORITY over our bodies to our husband. It says it pretty clear. If you don’t like it, take it up with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
Are you still with me?
WHY IS SEX SO IMPORTANT TO A MAN ANYWAY????
- Sex is important to your husband because God made him that way. It is literally in his biology. As women, we don’t understand that fully because we weren’t created that way. We have a much lesser biological need to have sex. Men are constantly reminded by their body that they need to have sex. Just ask him how many times a day he thinks about sex….I dare you! You will probably be shocked. How often that is will be different for each person, but it is considerably more often for men.
- Men need to be desired. Men need to know that they are desirable. Women have this exact same need, but it is manifested in a different way. For women, we need to be told that we are loved, we need affection. Think of it like this- If our husbands only told us once a month that they loved us and they gave us a big hug, but then treated us like an acquaintance for the rest of the month, we might be wondering what he even thinks about us! This is the same with sex for men. We can help them understand just how valuable they are to us, by something as simple as meeting their sexual needs.
- Men fear rejection from their wives. If their own wife rejects them, what must the rest of the world think of them? Men love to conquer. They were created this way. This is how they have fed themselves, provided shelter for their families and how they pro-create. They conquer. At the moment of intimacy with their wife, a man feels as though he can conquer the world! He feels like a superman, a superstar and a world changer, all mixed up in one. How amazing is it that we can give our husbands this amazing feeling? We can also make him feel the opposite. When he rolls over and snuggles up next to you, hinting at a little more than snuggling, your response means the world to him. You can repond with- YES YOU ARE A WORLD CHANGER or NO! GET AWAY! – even though you are not saying either of those things, you ARE saying those things.
- SEX IS THE GATEWAY TO A MAN’S HEART, FOR A WOMEN, THE HEART IS THE GATEWAY TO SEX. After sex is one of the most tender moments for a man. Their heart is the most it will ever possibly be. This is the moment to share your heart with your husband. It opens the door to honest conversations- when spoken with kindness and sweetness. You can also just totally RUIN the moment if we use the wrong tone. Read your husband and share your heart when the moment is right.
- GOD CREATED SEX TO HELP BOND US TOGETHER! When our husbands needs are met, they feel amazing, they feel bonded to us. And if you are honest, you feel bonded to him too. God made sex to be this way. Every time we have sex with our husbands, we are cementing that bond, over and over again! It was how God intended it to be!
- YOU ARE YOUR HUSBAND’S ONLY LEGAL OUTLET! Do you realize that you are the only person that your husband has the biblical legal right to have sex with and to meet all of the needs listed above? It’s kind of like saying that you are your husband’s only source of air. 🙂 Seriously. With holding sex from your husband is about as loving and kind as blocking an airway for him. It would be hard for him to thrive in life without oxygen. It’s also difficult for him to thrive in life if the one person who is supposed to desire him is unavailable, in-affectionate or just plain too tired.
YOU ARE A GIFT!
As a wife, you are an absolute GIFT to your husband and can help him conquer the world. You can help him to feel the most amazing he’s ever felt. It’s also possible to crush his spirit. It is a powerful, wonderful weapon of warfare that we control as women. We will be held accountable someday for what we do with this gift.
Are you ready to be a gift to your husband?
If you don’t feel ready for this- NEVER FEAR! I have an exercise below that can help you prepare your heart and body for the next 33 days!
HOW TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE NEXT 33 DAYS!
Here are a few questions to help you prepare yourself for the next 33 days. Write down the first thing that comes to your heart or mind below or in a journal.
- Holy Spirit, What do I need to forgive my husband for? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- Holy Spirit- Why do I have a hard time giving my body to my husband? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- What am I putting ahead of the needs of my husband?___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- Am I being selfish with my body? How?___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- How can I prepare my spirit for sex? Ask Holy Spirit if there is anything you can do. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- How can I prepare my mind for sex? Ask Holy Spirit if there is anything you can do. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- How can I prepare my body for sex? Ask Holy Spirit if there is anything you can do. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
AFTER YOUR 33 DAY EXPERIMENT: Write down your results!
- Did the Open Door Sex Policy help your marriage? Why or why not?_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- Will we continue with the Open Door Sex Policy? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Would you please consider letting me in on how this guide helped you or didn’t help you? I would love to hear from you at in the comments or at kayleeeylanderdiy@gmail.com!
