Forgiving Offenses 
Sometimes we get to a place in our lives and relationships were we forget how amazing the world around us actually is. We can forget the miracles of everyday life. We have breath in our lungs, we can see God’s beauty, our families are healthy.
In relationships, we can take our spouses for granted. Sometimes we let offenses or hurts build up. Offences and hurts cloud our thinking. They keep us from seeing the beauty and miracle that lays right beside us every night!
Today we are going to be working on releasing offenses against our husbands. Reconnecting with how and why we first fell in love with them and work through some of the offenses, wounds or hurts that may have piled up and buried our delight of our when we first fell in love!
When we first fall in love and make the choice to marry someone, we have no idea what is ahead of us. We have those wonderful rose-colored glasses on and we are blind to many things that are in our relationships.
Then, that first fight happens. If we didn’t have a model of fighting clean, we might get some bad habits going early on. For me, didn’t really know how to fight clean, but I had read TONS of marriage books. There were a few things that I did know…
- Never Say the D-Word. It just wasn’t an option for us, so we literally have never had it part of our vocabulary. We both have seen the devastation of divorce and we knew we weren’t even going to go there. So, saying it would just be silly.
It has lead to a resolve of figuring things out and forgiveness that I don’t know if we would have had other wise. I’m so thankful that we knew this going into our first days and weeks of marriage and have continued it for the last 16 years.
- Fight Above the Belt. I knew going for the jugular can really cause lasting damage. I had seen it play out in some of my friends marriages and I knew I didn’t want that in mine. My husband is just an over-all kind person (much kinder than ME!), he didn’t as much help as I did. But choosing to understand that our words are forever is so important.
I love this version of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (The Passion Translation)
4 Love is large and incredibly patient.[f] Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous[g] when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated[h] or quick to take offense.[i] 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty[j] and finds no delight in what is wrong.[k] 7 Love is a safe place of shelter,[l] for it never stops believing the best for others.[m] Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.
One thing to remember is that your husband is your team-mate and you are his! We were bonded together to help one another and it’s pretty hard to do that when we are carrying offenses against them.
Definition of Offence: annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles.
These offenses can be big or small. Honestly- any offense is too much. We could say to ourselves, “Oh, I shouldn’t be offended by that!” and then we just stuff our feelings. It will always come out in other ways. Irritation or sharp tones in our voice, or refusing intimacy…but we don’t know why!
There have been many times that I have been so annoyed that my husband forgot to take out the trash, put his clothes in the laundry basket or cleaned up his beard shavings in the bathroom. In my rational mind, I knew these were silly and small. I should have taking them to Holy Spirit to let Him show me how insignificant they were. But of course, I was still learning. I didn’t. I would stuff them down, then blow up at small things and create a massive fight over silliness.
It’s always good to talk to Holy Spirit about our offenses before we take it to our spouse. Considering like venting to your BFF, working it out, getting some true wisdom and clarity, THEN talking to our spouse about it. When we just jump into telling our spouse how much they stink, we can miss the point of forgiveness.
If you are wondering if Holy Spirit will really tell you about your current situation, take a look at this wonderful verse in John 16:13
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.
You can trust that Holy Spirit wants to speak to you right now about your life, your relationships and how to lay down offenses.
Let’s take a few minutes to ask Holy Spirit a few questions:
Is there anything that I have held as an offense against my husband? (no matter how small, please write it down) Write this down in your own journal.
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I have had so many of these over the years! Things like I stated before, not taking out the trash on trash day (still working on this one!), coming home late from work, not answering when I call or texting me back, come on! I’m keeping it real here!
When written on paper, these things can seem trivial. But to us they matter! BUT WHYYYYY do they matter so much? So glad you asked! We are asking Holy Spirit that next!
I want you to re-write your offenses below and then ask Holy Spirit how that offense made you feel and write it down next to your offense. Then ask Holy Spirit, What is the Truth about this situation? Like this:
Offense Emotion (I FEEL) Truth
He didn’t take out the trash Unloved He’s actually really busy, and him not taking out the trash
doesn’t have anything to do with you!
He’s stressed and in a rush.
Maybe there is another way you
can help create a solution!
So now it’s your turn!
Forgiving Offenses
- Write down your offense.
- Write down the emotion you felt when it happened. If you aren’t sure what the emotion is (that has happened to me many times!), just ask Holy Spirit- He reveals ALL truth!
- Ask Holy Spirit the truth about the situation. Write down His answer.
- Say out loud: I choose to forgive my husband for: (THE OFFENSE) and I renounce the lie that he wanted to make me feel (EMOTION). I choose to partner with the truth that (WHATEVER HOLY SPIRIT SAID).
Offense Emotion (I FEEL) Truth
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This is just the beginning of the process of forgiving offenses that you have in your heart. You could do this with any relationship! God is always wanting to go deeper with you and is drawing us into new levels of forgiveness and with that, comes freedom!
As I write this, I feel the Lord saying this over you today:
My Dear Daughter!
You are loved more than you could ever imagine!
I created you as my wonderful masterpiece!
There is no one like you!
You are the apple of my eye and my favorite daughter!
Take time to recieve my love today.
My love is not like any earthly love.
My love is unconditional and absolutely without exception.
You can’t do anything to make me love you any less.
You can’t do anything to make you love you any more.
You are my Dear One.
Love, PAPA