When I was about 19-22 years old, I spent some time traveling around the country on a van (loooooong story …I was part of a ministry that did assembly programs at schools about peer pressure and good decision-making ). ANYWAY…we started staying in host family’s homes and one of the things I noticed was lots of different ways to “do marriage”. I saw some marriages that I liked, some that I didn’t. I wondered how they were able to have these coveted marriage that just seemed to work…and after 15+ years, they looked at each other with so much love in their eyes! I wanted that!!
I decided it was time to do some research and I started devouring any book about relationships and marriage.Even though I wasn’t in a relationship or marriage I started filing these tips away and now after almost 14 years of marriage I can say that I LOVE my husband and we still look at each other with eyes of love! Part of it, obviously, is choosing a great match and a man with great character. But the other part of it is knowing that the grass is greener where you water it. So take care to water, fertilize and make sure your grass is being cared for.
Here are just 3 of the tips that I have learned…through watching marriages that I want mine to be like, reading and from my own experience!
3 Easy Ways to Show your Husband You Love Him!
1. Submit (Respect AND DO what your husband says)
I put this one at #1, because I believe that it is one of the most difficult things to do as a woman. Why??? Because we are women. We think differently from men…and we do think our way is better…most (all) of the time. If we can see this issue as an issue of love… and a direct way to tell our husbands that we love them…it will be easier ( not necessarily easy) to do.
For a man Respect = Love. It is that simple. You can say…I love my husband, but I just don’t respect him….and you are truly saying, I don’t love my husband. Is that what you want?
I love that Jesus set us up to see a great example of a what a marriage looks like and that is the relationship between Jesus and his Church. He says: if you love me, obey my commands. Or If you love me, do what I say. I know that sounds so 1950s, but really, they had a lot right before the sexual revolution of the 60s.
One thing to remember is that by submitting to and respecting our husbands, we are loving and serving them and watering our own grass, but we are also loving and serving God.
Now if your are still reading ( I feel that I may have lost a few folks) lets move on to some easier stuff.
2. Make him breakfast.
So simple. So hard. I think of it like this…we never want our husbands to become too:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely or
Tired
…
If we can send him off for the day with a hot meal… we are literally leaving a taste of love in his mouth and setting him up for success. Believe me, this is something that takes sacrifice and planning (especially if your husband gets up early). But to see and know that he has a cheerleader who thinks he is important enough to get up with and make breakfast for will help him be the best man he can be. Try it! I think you will see the results I am talking about.
PS. don’t make him the super healthy bran-tastes-like-cardboard- kind of stuff. Make him something he loves to eat. It makes all the difference!
3. Have an open door policy.
I’m using a metaphor here. Like…ehem…the store is open for business….like at night. Ehem…..are you following me? When we shut down our husband’s advances…we shut down part of his spirit. Part of a man’s make up is a hunter and conqueror. We are who he “legally” , as in legal in God’s laws, gets to hunt down and conquer. When we roll over and are”having a headache” we squelch part of him and his spirit. Every time we do this it breaks a little part of our relationship. It will take some time to get that back. The Good News??? The opposite is also true! By engaging with and even pursuing (AKA FLIRTING!) your husband, we build more into our relationship and it gets stronger every time we come together.
Think of it like spraying round-up on your lawn that you are trying to water, you know, your grass is greener where you water it? Well…after you spray grass killer on your lawn, it’s going to take some time to get that part back. If you continuously spray it, it will eventually be all brown…and the grass on the other side will LOOK a lot better.
Maybe your lawn is all ready brown, maybe it looks pretty hopeless. Start opening your shop for business, maybe handing out a few coupons, or having a “grand re-opening” like a mini vacation or Stay-cation AKA…have then kids stay the night somewhere else! With Jesus in your camp, there is ALWAYS hope! It will take some effort and work, but that is ok.
My Favorite Marriage Books
When I was preparing for marriage, I read soooo many books! I really wanted to start my marriage off right and I wanted to hear what the professionals (and people who had successful, fun marriages) had to say about it. Here are just a few of the books that I would recommend reading if you are looking for new ways to help your marriage! My links included for your convenience.
- 5 Love Languages
– This is my NUMBER ONE book recommendation to any one, married, divorced, single, teen…this book will help you understand yourself, your personality and how to ask for what you need to feel loved. It is soooo essential to living a fulfilled live with minimal frustration. It will help you in literally any relationship! Read it today!
- His Needs Her Needs
– This book will help you understand the very basic needs and difference between men and women. The world wants us to think that women “can do anything that men can do” therefore, their needs are the same as ours. It is just simply not true. They need different things, just was we do.
- For Women Only
– This book will help you understand how a man’s mind works. You may think you know. But I guarantee, you don’t! It is a really quick read that will keep you fascinated.
- Sheet Music-
This book will help you understand how to love each other and be intimate, when you are busy with life!
Those are just a few of my favorite books ont he subject of marriage! You can have a better marriage if you choose to work on it!
This subject is one of my favorite subjects to talk about with women and I don’t care who you are…if you have questions, need prayer or advice, please email me at eylanderphot0@gmail.com. I would love to chat with you about this. I’m serious!!